Luxury Life in the Kitchen

I purchased this item at a flea market.

Our garbage disposer is broken and the new one is sitting in a box on the kitchen floor. That's fine. It makes a handy seat for exploring the lower cabinets. The item I purchased is poorly made, less sturdy than aluminum foil, and as attractive as the wrinkled and sprouting potato I found while exploring the lower cabinets. I would rank this item as "disposable" and give it an expected life span of three weeks.
Nonetheless, I handed over one dollar American for this basket, and it will be perfect to put in the sink that is supposed to contain the garbage disposer. This will be a temporary resting place for food scraps and vegetable entrails  from the cutting board.

But wait. There's more. I glanced at the tag and realized this is a very special basket. It is high quality and made of imported stainless steel. How surprising is it that it will "lead me to a new feeling of luxury life?" I feel special just reading the tag. When you put this in your sink, you feel just like you have a working garbage disposer. And the benefits don't end there.
An ordinary garbage disposer sends all those precious nutrients down the drain, clear to the ocean, where goldfish go when you accidentally dump them down the drain. No, the strainer is a better way! When full, simply remove it to the kitchen door, open the door, and fling the contents outside. That's the green thing to do.
I propose today that everyone should pop out a buck and start recycling and composting and enjoy, like me, a new feeling of luxury life. Should you reject this household tip, I suggest you read the rest of the label on the basket, and use it in the way instructed.

 Bon appettit!