Nerves of Steel

The victim in the big white tent

Yesterday my family members invited me to tour a steel mill. I thought it was rather an odd thing to do on a Sunday afternoon, but it was that or stay home and bathe the dog. We drove across the river and through the woods and soon I found myself being led to an enormous white tent on a lush green lawn. Inside I was handed a hard hat, safety glasses and a pulled-pork sandwich. Before long,  my son-in-law stuffed me into a large white van. I prayed it wasn't the van from the Silver Send-Off Rest Home.

The view from the top

But we were shuttled off to an enormous building filled with fire and brimstone and big rollers and very hot steel. At this point I wondered if I had died and was being ushered to my final destination. But a nice man in a safety green t-shirt escorted us up 5 flights of stairs to a nice air-conditioned room filled with computer screens. But of course! I thought, Pearly gates went out of style years ago! This is the judgement room. I'm going to see my life before me on those computer screens! Suddenly it all made sense. My family, the white van, the tent on the lawn, even the pulled-pork sandwich. I'm supposed to be on a heart-friendly diet!
I was overcome with fear. I yelled, "I'm sorry I ate the pulled pork sandwich!" My family members suddenly looked at each other with knowing eyes. My son-in-law took me by the elbow and we hastily descended the stairs and out the door to the white van. This time, I caught a glimpse of the writing on the van. I think I blew it.