Rethinking Relatives

The Bird of Peace and Harmony

Here in Prairieville, my son impulsively bought a turkey, not for Thanksgiving, but to cook and eat now, while we pack up the house to move. We immediately started bickering over the preparation of the bird. It reminded me to caution you before you cement your Thanksgiving plans.

Thanksgiving is a great idea. Everyone trek to Grandma's house to blend with the other family members for a memorable turkey meal, surrounded by hours of old-fashioned fun, touch football and Scrabble games. Dress like the actors on Lifetime TV, who each year make Thanksgiving look less real than real life.
There are problems with our myth of Thanksgiving. First of all, the cool Grandma doesn't have a house. She lives in a 5-room apartment at the Elderly Elegance Estates in Pre-Fab City, Florida, and they don't allow kids there. Grandma's not stupid. Besides, no one wants to spend 6 miserable hours in a car with their kids, only to get out and spend two more days with them. 
As for blending with the family, there's no quicker way to unwrap old wounds and expose the relatives' bad habits than to jam them together in a room with the furnace set at 85 degrees, the preferred temperature of senior citizens. Those bad habits can include incessant talking, underarm odor, and leaving one's upper denture on the bathroom sink.

Surprise! Grandpa rented the movie "Jaws" for tonight.

As for the games and good fellowship, that can work as long as the guests are provided 12 Lazy Boy loungers for the kids to occupy for the evening. They'll become comotose with an electronic device. That's fine, because the adults are watching football on the TV, and keeping the volume high enough for the neighborhood to enjoy.
Talking just doesn't fit in here. It's just as well; someone would start a fight anyway. If nothing else, they will fight about the preparation of the turkey. It's the same old story. Each year, it's the same: Aunt Frances has the best doctor, the best lawyer, and owns the recipe for best turkey. Never mind those folks who got sick last year;  they probably had too much wine.

There's still time to change your Thanksgiving plans. I suggest you consider hiding your kids' phones, ipads and games. Pick up a great take-out meal from Bob Evans. Return to your home, switch off the power at the electric box, and enjoy a blackout with the family.