The Big Sucker

$1.50? Really?

I was stunned to see the $1.50 price sticker on the vacuum at the car wash, but I was desperate. I had left the rear window of a guest's car open during a recent wind storm. The back seat was filled with leaves up to the rear arm rest. Our dog Teddy had jumped on the pile, thinking it was the seat, and it took several minutes remove him and pluck the leaves from his curly coat.

Teddy the Velcro Dog

But back to the car wash. I find those hoses very stubborn and threatening. It scares me to wrestle with a giant dryer hose, knowing that at any second the high-pitched scream of the vacuum will stop, and I will be out of time, and out of coins.
How is it supposed to work anyway? Every time I parked close enough to the machine to get the hose into the car I couldn't get the door open to get out. I kept backing up and pulling forward looking for the perfect position. On the third try, a man who was watching came over and asked me if my transmission was broken. I finally got out, put the $1.50 in the monster and the gosh-awful roar began. I grabbed the hose, but when I opened the rear door, it smacked the concrete vacuum stand and chipped off a little paint. So I had a screaming hose, and the time running out, but no way to get to the back seat. I slammed the door, dropped the hose and began to run around the car, but the hose sucked up the leg of my sweat pants. I got away, circled the car and opened the rear door. The stubborn hose nozzle was on the ground up by the front tire sucking up gum wrappers. I shut the door again, reeled in the hose, stepped past the door so I could open it, and began to vacuum. I was panting for breath and thinking bad thoughts about this vacuum thing.

Car wash nozzle designed to suck ants from envelopes.

A bouquet of dead leaves formed on the nozzle. I plucked  them off one by one and hand fed them into the narrow slot. The procedure was time consuming. I reloaded the quarters three times, so the experience cost me my dignity and $6.00. Next time, forget the car wash. I'll open all the car doors and blow the car out with the the leaf blower.