Online Schmonline

 Yesterday I wanted some information on our electrical usage history. I went to the website of our electricity provider. Look at those nice young men! They look so friendly and helpful. This would be for me a wonderful adventure in cyber customer service.

 I referred to my computer password list, and discovered that my username was bernagas. I probably picked it the same day I set up an account with the gas company. My daughter thinks my passwords are bernastupid. She says I should use the same username for everything.
Perhaps I had selected bernagas as my all-time
 username. Who knows?

I'm already frustrated. Now this? So my information doesn't match? That should be an easy fix.

 Hey, this is easier than I thought. My all-time username, a little email address and anyone can  copy 70QE41. Piece of cake.

Woops. I forgot to keep the last name of my childhood friend. Why would I keep it? I've been ticked off at her ever since she punched me in the stomach in the second grade. Bitch.


What good is the model year of the car without Bitch's last name?

I selected the option: "I don't know the answers to my security questions." That made me feel stupid and inadequate. Thanks, Electric Company, for feeding my insecurities. I had to take an anxiety pill.

But wait, there's hope. I CAN CHANGE THE PASSWORD. It says so right there at the top.
What the?????!!!! I already told them I don't know my childhood friend's name! Now what?

I punched the "NEXT" key until it fell off my keyboard. There is no next. It's all a lie. There is no online electric company. Those cute guys  in the picture? They're CHIPPENDALES, rented out for photos for $125 an hour. I've been had. You've been had. 

Don't try calling these people, either. The recording will say,"Please hold, and your call will be answered in the order it was received." They fail to mention that they're still working on calls received in 1972.