Philip 1984-2012

I thank you, readers, for your patience in my absence. A very personal event occurred  on December 20 which will render my life changed forever. My son. Philip, unable to cope any longer with expectations for his life, ended it by his own hand. He was 28, a dad, a husband, and a veteran.  His father and I will never forget the joy and laughter he brought us, nor will we forget the subtle signs of pain we saw in him. We always feared he would someday succumb to the pressures of ordinary life.  Now we are both saddened by his death and relieved that his pain is over. We have come to appreciate the futility he felt and understand his despair. We celebrate his courage, and mourn our loss. We take our only comfort in that he may have found peace.

It is Christmas. As we exchange gifts with our other children, we will remember Philip. Many will offer opinions and theories, but in the end, it will just be that he is gone, by his own choice, and we will struggle to understand
that he perceived no other options.  We will try to vision his escape as he saw it: his only chance. We will forever wonder  if we could have helped him embrace the option of choosing life.

Goodbye, sweet Philip. Although you chose to leave us, I am so glad we had the privilege of being your parents. Forgive us if we missed something, or couldn't help you understand how precious you were. But we  loved you and hoped for your fulfillment. We so wanted you to be happy. We pray that you are. We weep not for you, but for ourselves, who are left behind to struggle with things we don't understand.

Godspeed, Philip, to the peaceful destiny we all seek.