The Emergency Gift

The coveted Chex Box.

Right about now, the "I'm not ready for Christmas" panic begins. Have you felt it? Or are you going to wait until it's too late to BE READY FOR CHRISTMAS.
It's too late when your child screams, "I wanted the X-BOX, not a Chex Box!"
It's too late when eleven relatives show up at the door on Christmas and you forgot that you invited them for dinner.

The really, really awful moment can arrive any minute now, when your neighbor shows up at your door with a decorated holiday tray of freshly baked cookies. Are you ready to reciprocate? Or are you, like me, a selfish old woman who spends her free time goofing off or meddling in others' affairs? If so, we share a problem. I will help you solve it.

You need emergency gifts, a stockpile of wrapped, unlabeled gifts hidden by the front door to present to surprise gift-givers. These gifts must be suitable for male or female, young or old, diabetic or not. They must suit people who may or may not wear dentures, be lactose intolerant or gluten-free geeks.
You must avoid gifts that spark allergies or offend certain groups. Forget chocolate and alcohol. Finally, the gift must be homemade, in the spirit of the season.

Are you discouraged yet? Fear not. You have plenty of time to make the greatest gift of all, a snow globe. The snow globe was accidentally invented in 1927 when a lab technician dribbled bread crumbs into a beaker of oil. A lab mouse tried to get the crumbs and became lodged in the beaker like a cork. When the technician tried to shake the mouse out, he was delighted with the swirling crumbs and said, "I've invented a snow globe!"

You, too, can make your own snow globe. Just glue something you don't need,  like a burned-out light bulb, on the inside of a jar lid. Fill the jar with mineral oil and smashed egg shells. Done. There are 342 recipes for snow globes online, but the results are pretty much the same as the one shown here.

You can get rid of a lot of useless stuff this way. Not only are you dumping your old jelly jars, you're cleaning out the kitchen junk drawer, and your neighbors and friends will think you really care.