Going, Going, Gone Postal

This is an historic day. The U.S. Postal Service will fail to make a delivery. By midnight tonight the USPO needs come up with a $5.5 billion payment to their own retiree health benefit fund. Unless the entire population of our country rallies and sends our holiday cards today, and unless each card weighs 3 pounds, the USPO will not make the deadline.
It's Al Gore's fault. He claimed in March 1999 that he invented the Internet, and look what a mistake that turned out to be. Bazillions of messages zing around the planet daily at the speed of light, leaving the postman looking outdated as he tries to slip the pastel birthday card from Grandma into our mailbox while pepper spraying the dog.
And the government is not blameless. Within weeks it will be required that Social Security checks be deposited directly, and of course electronically, to your bank. What will our senior citizens do when they can no longer rush to the bank during rush hour to deposit their checks? As one of THEM, I'm worried. There goes my social life.
Throwing money at the USPO is no longer a solution, and their revenue-raising measures are a dismal failure. Who would have known that selling teddy bears would not pull the Post Office out of debt? Why didn't the printing of the Elvis Presley stamp stop the leak of profits? Perhaps the tradition of raising the price of a stamp by only 2 or 3 cents was short-sighted. By now a stamp should cost $2.34. (They couldn't cost $2.35, because the PO clerks like to make you squirm while you look for pennies when purchasing stamps.)
Help the Post Office! Send money!