Mug Shot

In Southern California, where nothing makes sense anyway, a woman was arrested for murdering her husband with a coffee mug. The authorities say she beat him with it and when it became broken, used the sharp pieces to finish the job. The story is intriguing. First, she's a professional tennis referee. One would think that the weapon of choice would be a tennis racket, but maybe that's a clue. A crime of passion often involves weapons at hand, like the easy-to-grab fire poker or handy kitchen knife. But the use of an all-American coffee mug is deeply disturbing. That sweet vessel of morning comfort will never be the same for me. From now on as I caress its warm, shapely waist I'll now always think of whacking my husband upside the head with it. Please understand, I don't like thinking that; it's that woman's fault.
When it does become necessary to off one's husband, it makes sense to choose a symbolic and vindictive weapon, but not a symbol of happiness. If you're going to prison anyway, you might as well make a statement. For instance, say something about your mate's annoying habits. I would choose poisoning his coffee with the liquid plant food that he's left on our kitchen sill for 43 years. One look at our plants will tell you we don't use plant food. No wonder that same bottle has lasted so long.
But for now, just to be on the safe side, we're switching to Styrofoam cups.