Weight For It

A lot is made about BMI - Body Mass Index.

Our Dog's BMI

That's the way those nice healthcare folks measure how fat we are, and determine what we should be labeled. I discovered by using a BMI Calculator that our dog is Super Obese, certainly a more gentle term than Morbidly Obese. Why not just label us deathly fat?
You can figure out your own morbid obesity by this simple formula: write down your weight on a small piece of paper, stuff it in your mouth and eat it. Or, write down your weight, multiply by 703, divide by 2 times your height in inches, add your zip code and you will have a huge number. I forget the rest.
No matter. The latest technology in weight analysis is oddly enough, also called BMI, Backside Mass Interference. I discovered it by accident when I backed into a display of eggplants at the grocery. My, but those things can roll a long way. The incident inspired me to develop my own BMI test. Here's how: Go to any door in your house. Walk through it. Did your body touch anything? If so, you may have morbid obesity.
Can you bend over and tie your shoes? You have just measured your  BFI, Belly Fat Interference.
Don't be discouraged with your findings.  You need only grow 2 or 3 feet taller, and your BMI will be completely normal.