What irony! On the very day Apple announced
the official arrival of the iPhone 5, I dropped my
beloved iPhone on a tiled kitchen floor here in Louisiana.
My mother always said, "Bernadette, it's not whether you win or lose, it's where you place the blame."
So before I get blamed for being a clumsy old crony who shouldn't even have an iPhone, I want to clear my name in this matter.
I did not, as you might be thinking, deliberately cast my phone upon the floor so that I could get the new iPhone 5 at the very second it arrives in the Apple Store on September 19 at 9 am.
No, I was sneaking into the kitchen last night to retrieve a turkey leg I had spotted in the fridge when I was startled by a creepy guy standing in front of the refrigerator. He was clearly an intruder, and he was not going to get my turkey leg, so I threw my iPhone at him. It bounced off his chest and landed face down on the floor. I slowly picked it up and turned it over, discovering the devastating damage he had caused. The fact that he turned out to be made of cardboard was no consolation. He broke my phone right in the middle of a word game. I pushed him aside and snagged the turkey leg.
Later, sitting up in bed munching on the turkey, I tried to draw an adult conclusion from the night's experience.
I have no idea who this jerk was, but he shouldn't be sneaking around peoples' refrigerators. Besides, from the looks of that belly, he's been on the wrong side of the butter drawer a few times.
What did I learn from all this? Tile floors are stupid, and gosh darn, thanks to the kitchen creep, now I have to buy an iPhone 5.
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