Cincinnati Culinary Tour

 I was desperate to get to Cincinnati yesterday to celebrate my daughter Lucy's birthday. I left my 16-year-old grandson in charge our home with its people and dogs and birds with the dubious instruction: "Do whatever Grandma would do." I hope he didn't get arrested.

Fuzzy photo of a men's restroom or a yogurt store

I missed my turn after crossing the Ohio River. It was my husband's fault for calling me from Salzburg to tell me about some pipe organ he had played. "Really," I said, "That's wonderful, but it may be illegal to talk on a cell phone while driving and eating a banana in Ohio, so see ya!" It was too late, I had committed to the wrong road and for 45 minutes, was forced to tour parts of Cincinnati that are only visited by garbage men and swat teams. I admired the Reds' riverfront stadium several times from all directions.

Eventually I found the party and was having an outstanding pizza and sharing in the birthday festivities, which included a trip to a yogurt palace, a ride to a drive-through liquor store, and a cheap seat for the first presidential debate.

"No,  I ordered a case of ROOT beer!"

If I were having a birthday, I would not choose to watch the debate as the highlight of the evening. It was frustrating to watch two people who really want to punch each others' lights out being so polite. Jim Lehrer, the moderator, came straight from the Silver Memories Rest Home for his appearance. Unfortunately, he had already taken his nightly sedative. I fell  asleep.

The dancing girls are probably behind the rice milk.

The evening passed quickly, and this morning I awoke to the aroma of delicious coffee. As I searched for cream in the refrigerator I noticed the overhead lights displaying healthy food. My refrigerator is a dark pit of fungus; this one was lit up like Vegas. Of all the selections, I was most attracted to the triangle-shaped foil thing on the left. I was certain it was a wedge of watermelon. but it turned out to be leftover pizza. Since I opened it I was forced to eat it.

Those things in the back...are they exotic vegetables?

I'm proud of my daughter's heart smart food selections. I also noticed the healthy fruit and veggie basket in the kitchen.
It was a tough decision, but I finally chose one of the potatoes for breakfast. I have no idea who ate the missing doughnut.
I've been invited to have lunch with Lucy downtown. Knowing how well I navigate in this town I'll leave now, at 9:15 am, to be sure I get there on time.
Should I get lost again, I'm sure there'll be a garbage man to help me out.