The Groovy Grocery

When you grow older you must keep up with trends, be active, and hone your social skills to fit in with all people you encounter. But as one enters the golden years there's a fine line between being cool and looking like a fool. When 80-year-old women high-five each other at a church social, they're perceived as 'wannabe' young people. (If wrinkled old men do it, it's considered cute.)
So when I, a person of age, need to practice being cool, I go to the grocery store. There, if my coolness doesn't work, I can easily escape to the baby food aisle where they would never look for me.
Last Wednesday I went to the grocery to practice some new words I'd heard on TV. They must be great words because I've heard them so frequently lately. I approached a young man stocking the shelves, picturing what my 25-year-old son would say. "Hey, Man, where's the instantaneous coffee?" The young guy turned toward me. "Excuse me?"
"Instantaneous coffee," I repeated, "It's this crystal stuff - you know - kinda like meth and you mix it with hot water and you get coffee instantaneously." He looked frightened, so I said, "It's cool, Man, I'll take it from here." With that I tried to give him high five, but he covered his eyes like I was going to smack him. I made it to the baby food aisle in four seconds.
Then I wandered over to produce and found a woman about my age stripping lettuce leaves. "Hey, Sista! What up?" Her face was made of granite. "May I help you?" She asked.
"Nah, I was just thinking of the total devastation caused by the drought. I just kinda had an aha moment watching you trying to save that wilted head of lettuce so your company could satisfy its corporate greed. Yup. That's a game-changer for me!"
I walked off slowly, congratulating myself on my Cool-Speak. Then behind me I distinctively heard  the F-BOMB!
I went home to watch more TV.