Bernadette The Blog: Dress For Stress

Sign on the door of the bank.

I had to actually go inside the bank last week to deliver a document for someone. What a surprise it was to see a sign on the door asking me to remove my gear before going in. Imagine my disappointment! I wasn't wearing shades or a hat, but something in me really wanted to test the request on the sign. I went back to the truck and rummaged around for some suspicious items. I found a greasy rag and a crowbar. It would have to do. I draped the rag over my head and carried the crowbar and the delivery document like a wedding bouquet. I had my transition eyeglasses on, so to darken them to the max I stood outside the door looking up into the sun for a few minutes before entering.
I hate transition lenses. When I pushed opened the door and stepped forward, I was blinded by the darkness. Who knew there was a second door 5 feet from the first one? I thunked into it pretty hard and wrinkled the document all up, and a little grease got on it from the crowbar. But I was in the bank! I had broken the rules!

Just as my dark lenses started to fade I saw a woman at a desk stand up with outstretched arms.
"Bernadette!" She called out. "Where've you been, Sweetie?"
Crap. That's the trouble with living in a small town. I've known that friendly lady for 22 years. Why couldn't it be her day off today of all days?
"Hi, Betty. H'ar you? I'm just dropping off these papers."
She glanced at the crowbar, but said nothing about it or the rag on my head. "Well, let me have those papers, and I'll get them to the right person for you!" So cheerful. So Madison. How can I conduct research in this town?
"Thanks, Betty," I said, as I turned to go.
"Bye, Sweetie! By the way, I love your blog!"
I slowly removed the rag from my head as I exited the bank. I pretended to wipe a smudge off the door as I left.

Not so fast, Officer. Remove your shades and cap.

There is a problem, however, with such a sign. In today's global atmosphere it's perhaps unfair to ask folks to remove their headgear and sunglasses. If my illegal outfit had caused suspicion in the bank, the responding police would have had to undress before they entered the bank. Awkward.

Many people wear headgear for religious or cultural reasons.
Should they be required to comply. How many bank robbers have been identified by their hair, anyway?
"Yes Officer, I'd know him anywhere! He parts his hair on the left and had flaky dandruff and split ends."

Careful. He has a weapon.

Many potential bank visitors would definitely arouse suspicion. Stevie Wonder reminds me of the famous Harmonica Bandit. Yassir Arafat looks scary.
Shaded nuns look shady to me.