The Cheesy Award

We all heard it. It was the mantra of the election season. Take care of Main Street, not Wall Street. Jobs, jobs, jobs. Support small business!  Let's get spending again!

I thought the big retailers would be shaving the margins this year to stimulate sales. I was expecting Black Friday to be the most spectacular sales day in history, but sales were  down this year because retailers opened on Thanksgiving. As usual, family time interfered with business. Didn't we learn anything from Tiny Tim?

Today's cheesy award goes to an office supply store that sent me a 20% coupon that was good  for about fifteen minutes. It  couldn't be used on anything cool like a computer or an iPad. By the time I read the "terms and conditions" the coupon had expired. It had more strings attached than a deck mop.

20%coupon terms and conditions

Retailers take note. I'm not falling for your screwy, cheesy offers anymore. Keep your rewards cards and your  cents-off coupons and your shopping card. I just want a good deal! And why do you offer me a "senior discount?" I know it's not because you like me. Seniors are a pain in the neck. Admit it. you give us a discount to make you look like boy scouts. Why don't you offer a discount to 22-year-olds? They're the ones that buy things. 22-year-old shoppers should sue retailers for age discrimination. Is it fair to offer me a Bic pen for less than you charge a starving student?

Not sold separately.

Stop sending me mailers and coupons and stuffing the newspaper with ads. Save the money and lower the price of a pencil. In fact, just let me buy a single pencil. I don't need a dozen in a blister-pack. I don't want 6 pencils with a "free" sharpener attached. Spare me the licensed Barbie pencils and NFL pencils. Just one Dixon Ticonderoga #2 please. Put it on my credit card.