A Final Word

Springdale Cemetery, Madison Indiana, Friday, January 4, 2013

We laid  our son Philip  to rest Friday morning, and after this blog post I will resume sharing with you in future days the mundane, and the silly and the profound.

It was humbling and comforting to have over 500 friends call on Thursday night.  Philip's friends are a collage of diverse people. Here were the adults who had grown up with Philip in Madison. As handsome young men approached, I saw them still as wide-eyed boys with their skateboards,  grown to manhood but as tearful and helpless as when they once scraped their knees and bumped their heads and needed a hug. Their tears tore at my heart and all I could offer them was my embrace and whispered words of comfort. My hope is that they will remember the best of Philip and cherish their remaining friendships, as their mingled childhoods now fade to a vague video running in our minds.

I told many of you that I don't believe in  lives cut short, but lives exactly as long as they were forever meant to be. Our time is not a dispensation of days, but an an infinite field of opportunities. Philip sowed his field with smiles and loyal friendships, reckless fun and hopeful beginnings. I cannot imagine a more touching memory than that of our UPS Driver, Tracy, who has known our family since we arrived in Madison. She wrote:

"I've known Phil since he was 10 yrs old, and he, as well as Scottie and Lucy were constants at Roger's Corner when I first started my route in Madison. Amy and I became friends, but then there was always Phil. I don't believe anyone can pinpoint what exactly made him so special, ever, it was just him being him. I watched him grow into a man, and was always so proud to have known him for so long. I thought I had seen him a couple of times on the hill the day he came home, but then I ran into him down on 3rd St., and will be forever grateful because I got a picture with him that I will forever cherish. Wickersham family...may peace and understanding wrap around you all during these tough times. Phillip will be waiting on us all on the other side, welcoming us with that gorgeous smile and beautiful eyes, wondering what took us so long to get to the party.... "

Philip's loyal friend, Chris, said what many of us could not articulate, that although Philip could not leave worldly treasures or a stellar record of secular accomplishments, he left happy and grateful souls. Chris reminded us of Philip's golden heart that now beats in another's breast.

Thank you, everyone who has touched our family, especially in these most recent days. Your kindness, gifts of food, and comforting words will not be forgotten.

Thank you Krystal, for giving Philip that most special treasure, our grand daughter, Kaitlynn. She was the delight of his life and is his legacy for the future.

Thank you, Erin, Philip's beautiful widow and shining star, for giving him the happiness that he so treasured. He insisted one day on the phone that I remember the Hawaiian word for family -  "Ohana" - and I believe he wanted you to forever be a part of ours. So be it.

I am blessed, indeed, with the strength of my husband, Larry, whose gentleness and calmness pervades our days. Our sons Jud and Charles and Andy and Scott, Philip's heroes, are now my heroes as well; no longer my boys, but forever men. They join my sons-in law at the top of my list. My daughters and my daughters-in-law are my refuge. I rely on them for the comfort only daughters can give.

Andy, Laura, Amy, Lucy, Scott, Charles, Larry, Bernadette, Jud. These smiles are for you, Philip.

And thank you. Philip, for the privilege of being your parents.  You were so special, so spontaneous, so ready for a trick or a joke, and yet, in the end, so uncatchable. So often, you called just to say you loved us. Thank you, Philip. Thank you for being honest, and sharing your pain, and  sharing your humor, and sharing your life with us, your parents, your loving brothers and sisters, your loyal friends, your daughter Kaitlynn, and your wife, Erin.


We may never understand the why of your death, Precious Philip,  but we will forever remember the how of your life. Let it be, son, brother, father, friend, and husband. Let it be.