One Nation Indivisible...Really?

Just shut it down.

They're telling us on the TV news that the U.S. government is shut down. You wouldn't know it from where I sit.

Unlike really exciting and unusual events, say weather disasters, or your dishwasher breaking, government shutdowns are very quiet and frankly, kind of phony. Is it really going to ruin your day that the Panda Cam at the National Zoo is turned off? Is your October vacation at a National Park cancelled? Here in Southeast Indiana, our 3 National Parks are so far away, they're almost out of state. We actually had 4 at one time, but in 1979 one fell into Ohio.

If we're supposed to FEEL THE PAIN of a shutdown, let's have a good one. For instance, stop the mail! Who needs bills at a time like this, or the latest edition of TV Guide? How about Social Security and Medicare? If you want to feel the wrath of hostile senior citizens, just pull the plug on our money and our medicine!

Lots of folks are without a paying job this morning. Unfortunately, that doesn't include the career politicians in Washington, about 140 of whom engineered a shutdown in 1995. How about cutting their payroll to zero for the duration of this shutdown? Better yet? Forever.

There is a bright side. Garbage collection in Washington DC, a federal matter, will cease immediately. I encourage all DC non-politicians to eat copious amounts of fish, the decaying remains of which will remind all of the famous observation, "I smell a rat."

In case you think I'm making light of the shutdown, please remember that some very essential federal programs will be closed for what? - a week? I refer to programs like the Consumer Hotline for Child Safety Seats, and the Wild Horse and Burro Adoption Program. You can forget joining The Peace Corps this week or filing a complaint for vaccine injury compensation.

And for those of us who think liberty starts at the fishing hole, don't try fishing without a license, or canceling your auto insurance. Unfortunately, the most annoying legislation is local, legislating the use of golf carts, scooters and yes, even your feet, should you choose to walk where not permitted.

So bring it on, America! Show us your shutdown!