A Letter from a Reader

Teddy's heart pills in liverwurst

The following is a letter from a reader.

Dear Bernadette the Blogger, or whatever your name is.
I stumbled upon your blog by accident while I was doing research on potato peelers. Thinking it was a legitimate blog, I read the entire thing. Despite my disdain for your personal style and egocentric narcissism, I now desire to read your blog each morning as I have coffee. It has a therapeutic effect on my digestive system, and it is occasionally funny. I only tolerate it because of the shortness of your posts and the cuteness of your dog, Teddy.
This letter is to tell you that if you can't have your blog published by 8 am Eastern Standard Time, I will no longer be reading it. Just because you have all day to loll around in your undeserved retirement doesn't mean the rest of us don't work for a living. Step it up!
Constipated in Cleveland

Dear... uh... Cleveland,

I too have standards, and a busy life, and my morning schedule has become constipated since we welcomed some long-term house guests. (Real guests - not those pesky squirrels in the attic.) In addition, in order to keep Teddy alive so he can star on this blog, I must give him heart pills tucked in liverwurst every morning. It's more difficult now, because the two dogs who arrived with the house guests also want liverwurst. It's not pretty seeing an overweight woman pajamas doing a Flamenco dance with liverwurst wads for castanets. After the dance, I need my heart pills, which look disturbingly like Teddy's. I had to install a reminder on my phone. 

So here it is 9 am, and my heart is failing for lack of pills, thanks to you, and the birds and dogs and squirrels are begging for food. I'm doing my best here, but it's hard to keep up.

                                                     I have readers on the west coast who like their blog delivered before the Los Angeles Times. That means I must post this thing by 9:00 am. Every day. Oops.