No Need To Vote

Well, I'm glad that's over. Those presidential debates were really messing up TV programming.
This morning the TV news shows are all reporting on the debate, and announcing that now it all boils down to the state of Ohio. What? Just when we were getting ready to study our ballots, its game over?

The 2012 election map (The Great Lakes shown as Democrats)

A 2008 election map

Ohio's roster of famous residents includes the lady who is the voice of Bart on The Simpsons. And although it's true that humor writer Erma Bombeck was from Ohio, she got out when she could and moved to Arizona.
Here's something amazing and suspicious about Ohio. In addition to being a state that allows drive-thru liquor stores, it is the state that has produced the most presidents.
It's time for the pop quiz:

1)  What state will decide the presidential election?
a. Ohio
b. Ohio
c. Ohio

2) How many presidents were born in Ohio?
a.  None
b.  Eight
c.  Too many

3. How many presidential elections were decided in Ohio?
a.  Not enough
b.  Too many
c.  All of them.

So the message of the TV news today is fair and balanced. Residents of Ohio will decide who will be president.  Everyone else can go home. Nothing to see here, folks!  After all, Ohioans are as politically correct as the rest of us. They have a law that no one should breast feed in public, including women. The only breast exposure allowed in Ohio is from garment malfunctions, as in the case of Janet Jackson in the Superbowl. The Dittrick Museum in Cleveland houses the most extensive exhibit of contraceptive contraptions in the nation. Ohio schools make every effort to steer students in the direction of successful career paths - the football field. You can't get more American than that.

Thanks, Ohio, for giving us eight of your favorite sons as presidents. Thanks, also for handling the election for us. I guess the rest of us can go have a beer on election day.
Never mind,  I think the bars are closed.