Talking Trash: The Sequel

Yesterday I promised to solve a significant household problem:
How to get the trash outside in cold weather.

Each method I explored is rated by one to four stars.

GET SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT. *

The first solution is the least expensive and requires no tools.  I've been relying on this method for 40 years and it has rarely worked. The idea is to quit taking the trash yourself.  As the container begins to overflow, resist the temptation to clean up the banana peels and coffee grounds rising on the floor. Keep balancing new trash atop the old, much as in a game of Jenga. The can will become so unmanageable that no one will attempt to remove it. It will become a game of nerves and plugged up sinuses to see who will surrender. I have found that a fresh layer of raw chicken on the very top of the pile is effective in a day or so. This method of getting the trash removed in cold weather is not recommended.

GET SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT (METHOD 2) **

Pretend you are taking the trash out. You may even put on your coat for authenticity. As you gather the handy flaps to tie up the white bag, yell loudly, "Holy Sweet Potatoes! Who threw a $20 bill in the garbage? I just saw it slip to the bottom as I was tying the handy flaps!" This method will bring forth a volunteer to take the garbage, but only gets two stars because you can only use it maybe three times before your family catches on.

SET IT OUTSIDE AND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF THE DOOR. ***
This works, except on occasion a perfect stranger has come to the door and taken the garbage to the can for us. I'm okay with that, but another time I had called a local charity for a used clothing pickup. They snatched the garbage bag by mistake. I felt badly about that one since it had an unusual amount of shrimp tails in it.

MAKE YOUR OWN HANDY GARBAGE DROPPER. **** (see video)
It took only moments to make a can lid-lifting device. Tools required: 1/4" drill, a length of skinny rope, two zip ties and scissors. This is clearly the best method, provided you have a handy window and are careful to avoid the hot tub when dropping the garbage. Also avoid dropping the rope at the end of the procedure.  (Plans for this project are available for $4.95. The full kit including drill is $88.23.)