A Charity Case

In case you didn't notice.

There's a cool Christmas tune called "I heard the Bells on Christmas Day." I wish.

I'm not an efficient shopper. Most days I show up at the neighborhood Dollar General store at least once. It just seems easier for them to keep my stuff on their shelves, not mine.

There's a man at the front of the store these days wearing a red apron that says, "I am a bell ringer." We might have guessed that, even without the apron. He rings a tinny little bell  all day long, and greets me every time I enter the store, and again when I leave the store. I figured that if I gave him some coinage, he'd stop accosting me with friendliness. No luck. Now he calls me "Mam." I've tried waiting till he's greeting another shopper to slip into the store, but he's good. He catches me every time. "How are you today, Mam? Let me get that big heavy door for you."

 I slipped a couple of big ones (one dollar bills) into the red bucket of no return, but it felt more like extortion than giving. Maybe that's because Mr. Apron keeps holding the door for me. I know why he's doing that. That gesture means, "Oh, I see you have spent a lot of money on frivolous things and your arms are full. Let me open the door for you, and perhaps you will open your cold, cracked heart and give something to the less fortunate."

I tried wearing my paint clothes and my tennis shoes with the hole in the top. It made no difference. I hid my truck deep in the parking lot so he'd think I had to walk to the store. No good. As a last resort I tore my clothes and put makeup on my face to look like I'd been mugged. He said, opening the door, "You know, our ministry counsels muggers and thieves." I give up.

I like giving away stuff. But I like it to be my idea, like last month when I donated 6 cans of mushrooms to the animal shelter.   Every time I shop for groceries I have to tell the clerk I'd rather not give my change to fight literacy. That makes me look bad. Now I'm responsible for every stupid kid that can't read. 

So don't ask me for a donation at the cash register, or at the door, or in the middle of the street at a stop light, or when I'm paying my bills, or at my front door, or when I'm in a public restroom. (I put that last one in there as a precaution.) 

I gave at the office.