The Best Excuse Ever

This is not our baby but they all look alike anyway.

This one's for you Amy. Happy birthday! 

We had our fourth baby 37 years ago today. In those days, I only mopped the floor on special occasions, and on a certain Saturday we were preparing for a  cookout the next day for about 30 people. Most of the guests would be old, and probably have bad eyesight, so there was always the chance someone would slip on a patch of jam or something and break a hip. Old people never break anything but hips. Even if they can land on their head, they break a hip.

At some point I realized that the mop just wasn't absorbing all the water on the floor, so my husband took me to the hospital where I had this baby.

I couldn't believe my luck. Fifteen minutes of pain and I was done for the day. No more house cleaning for that stupid party. I encouraged my husband to get home and finish cleaning the house, and as he left the hospital room I settled in for a good nap and dreams of a few square meals in the hospital while he cleaned the house.

The next day, I hung around the hospital long enough to get the party over with. It turns out more than an hour went by before our guests noticed their hostess was not there. That's old people for you. Once they get their plate filled and settle into your lounge chair they're content. I know. I am one.
My husband was in his glory. He loves surprises, and when someone with barbecued chicken dangling from their dentures finally asked where his wife was, he got to announce that we had a new baby.

There are few times in a woman's life when her house can be a wreck, the kids look like homeless orphans, there is no food and the couch has disappeared under the pile of laundry. Only certain excuses can cover for unmade beds and a clothes dryer filled with Legos and the toilet stopped up. Over the years I've tried to find the magic excuse for bad housekeeping. I've had broken bones, suffered the pain of dry sockets, and buckled under the agony of migraine headaches, but the only event that ever eclipsed my housekeeping skills was having a baby.

And now you know the rest of the story.